Water For My Camels - Book Review
Available through Amazon/Koorong/Matthias Media (cheapest)
Water for my camels is a great little book on how Christians are to approach dating, especially when the bible doesn’t have much to say about it. The author Paul Grimmond is Dean of Students at Moore Theological College but has spent years working in university ministry prior to that. Hence, I’m somewhat partial to what he has to say. Besides it’s hard to find something I really disagree with in both his approach and his conclusions.
Water For My Camels?
In case you haven’t worked it out, the title of the book is a reference to Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24. It’s the bible’s first episode of how I met your mother if you like. Building upon that, Grimmond says in chapter 1,
While the Bible gives us plenty of bizarre examples of people coming together in marriage, it’s obvious that none of these is God’s masterclass on how to find a spouse. In fact, the Bible is remarkably silent when it comes to offering hints, tips or ‘easy steps’ on the topic. God doesn’t prescribe a particular model for Christians to follow to work out who to marry or how to find the perfect romantic connection.
(pg. 8)
Chapter 2 then lays out some biblical principles, the core of which is marriage. While the bible doesn’t mention dating, it has a lot to say about marriage. Grimmond traces a picture of marriage through 3 ‘arcs’ – creation, Christ, consummation. This is followed by brief caveats on singleness, sex, and only dating a fellow christian. All of that is to say that
Christians should never see dating as a goal or an end in itself. Dating should be seen as a way of considering marriage and as a stepping stone towards potential marriage.
(pg. 18)
Can’t argue with that. Chapter 3 is simply a commentary on how our society views/approaches dating. While not necessarily unhelpful, you won’t miss much by skimming through it. Although it’s worth mentioning that the section on pornography is quite good.
Chapter 4 is where the fun starts as it attempts to answer three practical questions: who you should date, when you should date, and how you should date.
On the who, Grimmond says:
The Bible provides us with four absolute criteria for who we can date. You should date only someone who is:
1. a Christian
2. a member of the opposite sex (which I know is not politically correct these days, but is biblically true, as we’ve already seen in our discussion of marriage)
3. not closely related to you
4. not already married to someone else.
(pg. 32)
What is particularly striking is Grimmond’s reminder that these are not simply items on a checklist. On the issue of someone being a Christian, Grimmond states that what we’re looking for is character. He then suggests Galatians 5 where the fruits of the Spirit are listed as character traits. So instead of simply asking if someone is a Christian, we should observe closely their character and ask questions like:
Is he proud and self-promoting, or is he genuinely happiest when Jesus gets the glory? Is she able to say “I’m sorry”? Can he admit his mistakes? Does she serve others in ways that cost her something? Does he keep his word?
Do you see how you’re now asking so much more than “Can he tick the ‘Christian’ box?”
(pg. 32)
This alone is worth the cost of the book. On the question of when, Grimmond gives an insightful observation where he suggests not dating when one is still young (or in school).
My biggest reflection is that a healthy relationship requires two people who have a certain level of independence and a certain understanding of themselves—a clear ‘sense of self’, a grasp of who they are as a person—before mutually entering into a relationship. If you start dating when you are 13, 14, 15 or even 16, you are seeking to develop that sense of self and formulate thoughts about independence from your parents in the context of your dating relationship instead of as an individual. And that relationship often involves really deep, significant emotions that operate at very raw levels. Therefore, it sometimes becomes hard to determine what you’re thinking and feeling, or to develop that healthy sense of self, apart from the relationship.
(pg. 34)
Having known people who started dating early on as well as seeing close friends enter relationships later in life, I can say that Grimmond is spot on here. Looking at it the way he describes, it makes complete sense why we shouldn’t rush into things while still young.
On the question of how, there isn’t anything concrete except to say that we are to date as a follower of Jesus. Again, can’t argue with that. He does add that marriage should be the goal, but cautions that it “probably won’t happen.” He goes on to say why.
When two people agree that marriage is the goal of dating, it can create a lot of pressure. I know lots of couples who have had long, intense conversations about marriage on their first date. But honestly, how do you know? That kind of pressure doesn’t help you to get to know each other; it just creates an intensity around the relationship that’s really hard to deal with.
(pg. 37)
Not only that, keeping a healthy dose of “it probably won’t happen” prepares people to think about the kind of relationship that will remain after a break up. You might not be dating each other anymore, but you are still brothers and sisters in Christ. Keeping that perspective is more important than we realise. Some further discussion on pornography follow before the book ends with a long list of FAQs (51 to be exact).
TL:DR
In conclusion, water for my camels is a fantastic little book on dating that balances the seriousness of the topic with a cheeky sense of humour and brevity. It has great insights into the challenges of dating as we know it. I’d highly recommend it to not just youth/youth leaders, but also adults and even parents of teenagers as well.